Census Numbers 1981 and crunching KP Killings 1990

In 1981 census there were about 124,078 Hindus in valley, bulk of them KP. Just 3.96 % of whole Kashmir valley population of about 31 Lakh. Down from 5 % pre-47 [In 1941 only about 85000 KPs were living in valley]. In 1981, 59449 Hindus were in Srinagar of total population of 708328. Thus about 8.39 % of Srinagar was Hindu down from 10.02% of 1971 [56,566/564,314]. In 1981, additional 0.96 of Srinagar was non-Muslim [bulk of them about 6,334 Sikhs].

Breakup of Hindus in other districts of valley.

Anantnag 24,731/656,351 = 3.76%

Pulwama 10,096/404,078 = 2.49%

Badgam 9,642/367,262. = 2.62 %

Baramula 13,513/670,142. = 2.01% [ Additional 9,806 Sikhs, this being the district with their highest presence]

Kupwara 6,647/328,743. = 2%

According to South Asia Terrorism Portal, based on media reports, in 1990 about 862 civilians were killed [According to MEA, 461 civilians killed in 1990. FIR in not more than 30+ cases] Of these about 177 were Hindu; a disproportionate 20%.

J&K State govt. figure for killed KPs in 3 decades is 216. Kashmir based KP body now gives the number as 670. Bulk of these are from year 1990. A KP civil organization in early 90s gives names, location of killed Hindus, mostly KPs. 298 killed in 1990. Of them 127 in Srinagar. Between 1987- March 1990, only 10 KPs assassinated. Yet, friends and foes alike warn of the doom impending. March onward KPs start leaving from valley. Killings start. April there is almost 1 KP killed each day. Bulk of KP leave by April. In summer 1990 genocide launched on few remaining KPs and those staying to work, May-June-July, 2 KPs killed each day. And this when bulk of 1 Lakh+ KPs had already left. By end of September 1990 KP genocide complete with change in demography of valley as only handful KPs remain who spend next few decades as nothing more than hostages.

The demographic profile of KPs tells us if KPs had stayed on and killings continued in same pattern (as later mass massacres in valley showed rate would have been much worse and no one would have been bothered), the community did not have the no. to sustain a healthy population and would have been annihilated.

In 1981, KP ethnic group had the highest no. of elderly per 100 among all the communities in entire state. It also has the lowest children per 100 among all the communities[ 0-14 years (28 percent)]. They had more old people and lesser children than any community percentage wise. It is profile of a community that on surface looks healthy but a community that is shrinking in a hostile environment but optimizing for survival by the only way it knows, adapting to modern ways. This progressive community after 100 years of struggle now had the best ratio of men to women working in state. For every 2 working men there was 1 woman. 86.6 percent women. 86.6 percent women were educated as compared to 84.5 men.

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Ref:

A Demographic Profile of the People of Jammu and Kashmir. M.K. Bhasin and Shampa Nag. J. Hum. Ecol., 13 (1-2): 1-55 (2002)

1981 Census Report

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124,078 KP may seem a small number. But, you just have to compare with right figure.

In 1981, 68376 was population of buddhists in Leh + Kargil. In 1941, the total population of the region now known as Union territory of Ladakh was about 40000 [compare with 85000 KPs in valley in 41 ]. In 1947-48, it is this Ladakh that also Pakistani forces tried to annihilate and claim. In 2011, Ladakh’s total population grew to about 274000 (H+M+Oth). And they are now a union territory. Free. By that account, it is very convincing to believe that since 1947 about 6 Lakh KPs are now floating internally displaced persons with no territory. Numbers hostage to fractions and percentage of whole valley. That should help people understand what has actually happened to Kashmiri pandits. Today there are about 6000 KPs in Kashmir.

Desolation of a Garden

There was not much snow that winter. By the time Herath got over, Katij would start arriving in cities and towns, building its mud nests under the window awnings, attic rafters, exposed wooden beams of crumbling old houses, in barns and rooftop sheds, underneath the ancient sounding bridges that creaked as you walked over them, and below the bow of houseboats that lined the Jhelum. A Barn Swallow is a species of bird that prefers living with man, building its house next to his, inside his dwelling. This bird trusts Man, when Man builds a city, the bird moves in with him. It has done so for many millennia. Katij’s yearly migration to Kashmir is probably as old as the arrival of man in this fabled earthly garden. Katij’s arrival in valley was the only migration that took place in 1990. What happened with Pandits was something else. This was the year I turned eight. What I witnessed that year, I didn’t fully understand. The misery that filled people that year told me I was seeing something that I should remember. That I should never forget.


My memories of the house are sticky like the smell of deodar and sweet like the smell of water on mud husk wall, alive like hooves of a beast breaking the floor, frightening like the neighing sound of horses in dead, dark nights. Families had a common kitchen till 70s. As the families grew, kitchens were separated, three newer basic structures comprising kitchen, hall and few bedrooms were setup. The kitchens still didn’t have running water, and although by 80s the gas stove had arrived, the traditional “Daan” wood fired oven still had a corner in the old house’s Thokur Kuth, the kitchen-cum-God room where Herath or Shivratri would be ritually celebrated every year.

In 1990, we left Kashmir a day after the day of Herath, we left on the day of Salaam. We boarded the bus early morning on the 23rd of February.

“When did we leave?” I still ask my grandmother. “Allah Ho Akbar Yelli gov” she replies. To her the date of leaving and the reason for leaving is the same: When the calls of Allah’s greatness were raised.

For those early years in Jammu, we never discussed these things. Even if it came up in conversations, the matter was discussed like an accident victim would describe his injury minutes after getting hit by a car: that is hurt, that they were hit. Only after hours, only while healing, does the victim go into the details of his injury and the nature of the incident, how it happened. In 1990, neighbourhood was rife with rumors of an old lady from our house offering water to the soldiers. For years my grandmother denied the charge, as if the charge mattered. It was only 25 years later that she accepts that she used to ask the soldiers if they needed anything. “It was out of humanity,” she says with a sense of guilt. As if she was the reason why the family was forced to leave. My grandmother does not know history. She studied till class 5 and then in post-Kabali raid Kashmir, was married off at the age of twelve. Many other girls in the valley were hastily married in the initial years of Independence. It was the after-effect of horror tales born in the 47-48 Kashmir war. My grandmother recalls this much about the conflict and its relation to her life story. She remembers the night of Allah-hu-Akbar of 1990.

I read history. In July 1931 riots, an incident took place in Karfali Mohalla, the place where my grandmother was born. The incident is recorded in the official riot report compiled by the Royal court. A Muslim witness, a Mirza, claims at around half past ten in night he heard the Pandits raise the cry of Nara-i-Takbir. He claimed the Hindus proceeded to make the claim that Muslims were looting them and burning the houses. He claims the Military (under foreign mediator, British Regent) came and found the claim to be false, they left scolding the Pandits.

Isn’t that still the claim? That the mosques issued no threats, Pandits made it up, that they unduly panicked, that they engineered their own exodus.

In 1931, in the mayhem unleashed on Pandits of Vicharnag, gongs were rung to gather the mobs, it was an open invitation to looting and plunder. Mosques were used to make the call for Jihad. All of it is in the riot report quoting eyewitnesses. I had no distinct memory of the night of 19th January 1990. All the nights of that winter were the same. House a shadow, “Blackout”, sometimes lit by candle and sometimes by the blue haze of a B&W television. We all huddled together, all sleeping in the same room, ears on alert, distant cracking of gunshots.

It took me 25 years to reconstruct the memory. It took my parents 25 years to open up and share their experience. They did it over the years, in bits and pieces.

Conflict arrived home one late afternoon in July 1988. “Munni ji bachey baal baal!” (Munni ji [mother] survived by a whisker), grandmother recalls. That day Mother came home with her chappals in hand. She was near the site of the blast at Telegraph office. Hearing the blast, she had taken off her chappals, expecting violent crowds on the main road, walked through bylanes to reach home taking routes and shortcuts my grandfather had taught her. We made Taher, the yellow rice to appease the Goddess who protects one from unforeseen evils. A lot of taher was made those days. Mother was a teacher in a village schools and she would commute daily in local bus. Once due to hartal, she was stuck in a Shia village. She took shelter in the house of a farmer where she sat a few hours looking at all the farming tools wondering if a woman could be killed using them. The whole year were “incidents”, mobs and shutdowns. By the time 1989 arrived, people had gotten used to it, this too became normal. A distant relative was killed by a spade. The official reports said the killer was insane, that it was a case of mistaken identity, that the reason for killing was something else. Soon enough, the killings started on a different scale. There were tales of masked men in gumboots carrying Russian guns returning home. Srinagar, ever the city of rumors, was drowning in rumours. When the first of the National Conference leader was assassinated, guns were handed over to NC workers for self defence. The story goes that the guns were soon “lost” and ended up with “Militants”. The national dailies that arrived in the city late in the evening, still called them Militants, the term terrorist was not yet in currency. It was 1989, the term Mujahid was only used by our neighbours.

Who were our neighbours? There was the horse cart family that lived in half the house and then behind us was the family that cleaned it’s jajeer water, spittoons and night soil into our backyard. Both these households were so close to our house, we could hear each other. At night we could hear the wheezing of the horses and in day we could hear the curses. Our houses were porous, when my sister was born, someone among the neighbours yelled, “Jaan Gos Billas Zaay Koor!” (Good that Billu had a daughter ) There were prayers too, my father recalls that on the night of Milad un Nabi, someone in the house behind us would sing all night in slow sonorous voice with a twang songs celebrating the birth of his prophet. Next to that house lived henna red haired Moghul of hollow cheeks and small kohl eyes. Abandoned by her husband, she made her living spinning cotton on a wheel. She had three sons and Posha was the daughter, her youngest. She had her mother’s eyes, just a bit squinty. In the neighbourhood she was nicknamed “Batte-Posh”, Pandit’s flower, for Posha grew up in our house. She remembers being taught crochet by my aunt, Veena. Sh remembers being forced to study, she remembers being asked to sing the “Jana Ganna Manna”. She was closest to Sahaba ji, one of my uncles, cousin of my father. Their houses were next to each other. When Mogul wanted to expand her first floor courtyard, he let her, even though it now expanded right into our land.

Towards the first week of January, Sahaba cousin uncle and Veena aunt were packed off and sent to Jammu for safety. They were the first to leave. It was Posha who brought in the news that Sahaba was on the Hitlist. Sahaba worked for the state cement factory, was active in Labor Union, most of his close friends were people who were in MUF (Muslim United Front), men went on to be the leaders for JKLF. What was the charge on him? He had briefly joined the state police force. His father-in-law was in Jail department. Being the only son of her mother and dead father, Sahaba soon left the job. The charge was he was “Special officer”. Posha by now was part of the juloos, the crowds that would come out on the streets screaming “Aazadi”. The schools were shut in around October, a month early for winter. Many such juloos I witnessed. Many a times I wanted to join them, the exhilaration was infectious. Many a times the crowds outside would scream “‘Hum kya Chahte?” Many a times, while mother taught me additions and subtractions in the highest room in the house, much to her chargin, I would run to a window and scream back, “Aazadi!”

Posha too was learning calculations. She knew people. Invisible people who now claimed to be true voice of Kashmiris. Posha claimed that there were charges against her too, serious charges like, “You eat with Pandits”. She passed the message that “Mujahids” don’t want to shoot the wrong person, but mistakes could always happen. The message was clear. Veena Didi was victim of another message, this one was not privately conveyed but broadcast publicly though newspapers. Muslim and Non-Muslim women were asked to put on their religious markers: Burqa, Bindi. The “Mujahids” were again being fair, they didn’t want to target the wrong person. This message too was clearly understood by those it was meant for. Veena Didi was working in microbiology department of the Soura hospital. She was the first woman in our family to go outside the state for studying. She would fight with her younger brother over her right to watch a movie in Broadway Cinema hall. Now, Kashmir demanded she turn up for job decked like a Hindu bride.

I watched Veena Didi spend all previous summer making Amla-Shikakai concoction, soaking her hair in it for hours. Applying rice gruel and even raw eggs. She was preparing for her Spring wedding. All the preparation had been done. Shopping, house painting, new curtains, setting up rows of mud oven in the yard under the Fig tree for cooking feasts in big tin pots. House was getting an update, a new bathroom was built, in it we would finally have a geyser, they were working on an engineering solution to get the shower also to work. A sintex tank, perhaps even a motor. New galvanized tin sheets were purchased to replace the old rusty ones in roof. All of this work was meant to be over by winter. The violence froze in the winter.

Yet, Veena’s hair grew on hartal days of winter and now touched the silver anklets of her feet. Then the message arrived along with clear signs of times to come. There were acid attacks on some working women, Hindu and Muslim.

Message meant that even if Shivratri was approaching, Veena and Sahaba Nanu had to leave for safety of Jammu. On the way, their bus rolled down a gorge, many were injured, some died. News reached home: Sahaba Nanu had chipped a front teeth, Veena had a minor head injury, doctors had snipped her hair a bit to bandage the wound. Rest they were all fine. More Taher was prepared. It was as if the Gods had taken an extra liking for taher that year. In the coming weeks, their love for valley was going to demand more than just yellow rice from them, it was going to make demands on their life.

Kashmiri Muslims also make Taher, it is just that their yellow rice has fried onion in it, thus ritually different than Pandits, but same in essence, tabruk, a blessing. In these times they too needed blessings. A few weeks later the first person to die in our neighbourhood was Posha’s elder brother who ran a knick-knack cart outside our main door. A simple man whose life’s objective each day it seemed was just to make kids laugh. That’s probably why everyone called him a “mout”, a madman, a species that once flourished in Kashmir, every neighbourhood had one. This “mout” would often give kids sugar coated multi-colored sauf packets for free. I spent a lot of time sitting outside our gate, eyeing toys, awaiting new ones. I wasn’t at the gate the day he died in cross fire, caught between guns of Mujahids and soldiers. Of her two remaining brothers, one was already a Mujahid, he too would be dead in a few months. The one remaining brother was to teach Posha how to ride a scooty two decades later.

It took me two decades to realize that Posha, the messenger of 90s was just about sixteen at the time, just a few years older than my eldest cousin. I had questions for Posha, now a lab assistant in a government school, married to a grade three government employee who in winters would sell Kashmiri goods like Kullu Shawl in cities as far off as Bangalore. Her beautiful two kids, a boy and a girl were in a Zakir Naik run private institution. I asked Posha in which standard was she at the time. She was in fifth standard on account of having joined the schooling quite late after much coercion. She was such a central powerful figure in our memories of 1990, I did think she be older. Just sixteen and yet she held sway over the fate of our family in 1990.

Years later, in our house in Jammu, Posha was telling Sahaba Nanu how Jagmohan had engineered the whole thing. She was banned from the house for a few years, but she keeps coming, old bonds remain and get tugged. She visits and tells us of other girls of the neighbourhood, her cousins who grew up in our house. She tells us of Billi, the little girl who used to climb the grape creepers. Billi died of Breast cancer a few years ago even as a Pandit doctor couldn’t save her and probably over charged. She confesses Mother’s dressing table is with her. “Look, everyone was taking stuff. I assumed you be happy at least the dressing table is with me!” Mother has hated her ever since their first meeting. At the wedding, when Posha first saw my Mother, she couldn’t help but exclaim, “Billu Bhaiya, ye ha krihin!” (Brother Billu, she is dark skinned!) Father in embarrassment gagged her mouth before she could utter more and handed his wrist watch to her as a bribe. “She herself is dark like a watul!”, mother would often say.

Mother was not with me on the night of 19th January. A grand-aunt of hers had passed away a few days ago. Mother was at Chanpora at her sister’s place. She had taken my sister along. This was probably the last time she travelled alone in Kashmir. Why she took my sister and not me? Probably because my sister was two years younger and easier to manage. I would not easily agree to leave the house. They tell me even when I was a toddler, everytime I returned from matamaal, I would straightaway head for my favorite spot near a window, sit under it and run my fingers over the familiar cracks in the walls, assuring myself that I was really home. Funeral had become all the more tragic affair because the city was again under curfew and there was no simple way to reach the dead. Those who could reach had walked all the way to Barzulla, after crossing the winter dried bed of Doodhganga river on foot, they had used inner routes that none of their progenies would know or own in exile. Mother skipped the visit.

What does my mother remember?

When the loudspeakers started baying for blood on 19th, my sister wouldn’t stop crying. The mosque was very close to their house, I still remember the day crowds had gathered in the grounds around it after a lightning had struck it. Now the loudspeakers thundered, “Death to Kafirs!” Possibly the crowds were gathering in the grounds. Those inside the house were on the edge. Chanapore was a new locality, filled by people who had moved in here after selling off their older properties as the families were growing, the neighbors were new, there were no old ties between them. “Rivers of Blood shall flow! Justice awaits!”, the tape running in the mosque promised in Hindustani. On it went, it seemed for hours that stretched like eternity. My Massi a single woman was raising two teenage kids in the house. Two women, three children and an old grandmother, all locked themselves up inside a room and awaited justice. My sister never had a sense of propriety, she started crying. They tried to pacify here, it was of no use, once she starts there is no end. Afraid that there were mobs outside on prowl, Massi stuffed Parle-G biscuits inside her mouth to shut her up.

It was the same all over the city for Kashmiri Pandit women. How? I know in Jawahar Nagar, a girl who is now married to one of my cousins, was shut by her parents inside a storeroom under a staircase to keep her safe. I know in Indira Nagar, a girl, now my aunt, was shut in an attic.

“What happened in Chattabal that night?,” I ask my father and his brothers.

19th January was a Friday. It was well past the dinner time when local mosque started blaring taped messages over the loudspeaker asking the faithful to rise against the unfaithful, to declare war on the infidels and free themselves forever, free, like gods always wanted them to be. The unfaithful us were watching the Friday night English movie on Doordarshan. Ironically, as if Kashmir exists in a cruel predetermined universe, they were watching Escape From Sobibor (1987), a telefilm on a group of Polish Jews escaping from an extermination camp. Heeding the call of faith, ignoring the curfew orders, people started to gather in the streets chanting slogans of god, war and freedom. My father and uncles went outside to check, but only after locking everyone else inside the house. All our Muslim neighbours were there. The crowd was walking towards the nearby tongachowk. Walking at the fringe ends of the crowd, my father and uncles reached the spot to witness the hujoom, a sea of men. They saw a bonfire of tyres and around it people screaming their lungs out at the invisible enemy. This went on for sometime. Then people started heading back home. After most of the people had disappeared, an armored van arrived on the scene with local state police in tow. Father and his brother knew what it meant and headed for the house, while running, they tried to warn the others. A man from the neighbourhood refused to budge, he had three daughters, he was convinced they were coming for his daughter. There were few others like him. Next day, a firefighter truck arrived spraying water to remove the blood stains from the roads.

My grandfather went for the funeral against the advice of the children. People gave speeches about war to bring lasting peace. Revenge, so that every martyr’s soul finds passage to the final home. My grandfather never spoke in detail about his experience at thefuneral. On being reminded of it, as if embarrassed, as if he had committed a crime, grandfather would touch his ears and say, “Trahi! Trahi! (Save! Save! The things I heard!).” I ask the women, my aunts and grand-aunts, people locked inside the house about that night of 19th in Chattabal. The screaming started about 10:30 at night. They remember the film was about some sort of revolution. People and candle lit march. Perhaps about some Russian revolution. For a moment they thought the slogans were coming from the TV. It took them some time to be alarmed. They thought a mob was preparing to loot and kill. While they were still gathering their wits, there was hard knocking on the main door. The walls and doors of the house were no longer respected. It was as if they didn’t exist. Only weeks ago, ITBP (Indo-Tibetan Border police) had jumped over the wall at night, forced us all to line up against the wall and asked us why we were sending light signals from the house. It took us some time to explain that there was a hole in one of our high windows, what they had seen was a game of shadows and candle. Not convinced they asked my father if he knew how many bullets an AK-47 fires in a second. They wanted to know if we were hiding militants. Our only defense was that we were Hindu. A local policeman had intervened on our behalf explaining that these men were not to be questioned. We were let off. That night I remember clearly. It is the 19th January I don’t remember. Maybe I was asleep. I wasn’t allowed to stay up for late night english movie nights.

Wife of my father’s elder cousin, a woman I grew up calling Aunty Mummy narrated the ordeal. It was the neighbour knocking on the gate, Posha was also there, inviting “Baaji, Come join us!”. There was going to be a protest march. They wanted our participation. It was more a proof of loyalty being demanded. A defense was being created. It was a demand masked as a request. A denial of such request could have all kinds of repercussions if we planned to live in Kashmir. Who would want to be labelled backstabbing Indian agent in such times. Kashmiris, all of us, keep such scores for very long time, decades, centuries, passing them on in our genes. The score of this denial may be asked to settle a century later. After all Kashmiri Pandits were still answering for the events of the 1930s and 40s. So, off went the men on their adventure in the street outside wearing their winter jackets. Before leaving all the women were gathered in the store room, in the store was an almirah, and behind the almirah a window that opened in the Muslim house behind us. They were instructed to jump outside if there was any danger. “After all these neighbours saved us in 47!”, they surmised. After the men locked them from outside and left, it was in darkness that the futility of the plan dawned on women. This store room was on the first floor. Even if they survived the jump somehow, none of them would be able to run and escape. They started uttering in silent whispers “indrakshi namsa devi” while the loudspeaker continued to squeal. This was the room I was in even though I have no memory of it. I probably slept through it all.

I remember the day the decision to leave was taken a few days later. I remember I was happy when I heard we were all going to Jammu. I had been to Jammu the previous year during a school break. I thought it was going to be another vacation. Taking that decision, locked inside a room, two generations of Razdans fought each other. Children were not allowed in. I could hear the load sounds coming out of the room, it seemed like everyone was angry and unhappy. I tried to listen in, climbed a window to get a peek, the room was curtained. I was told later that the elders were not ready to move, they thought it was justanother phase in Kashmir that too shall pass, the young tried to convince them that the ground beneath their feet didn’t exist, that the world they had inhibited had already turned to ash.


We were leaving Kashmir, that was certain. The only question that remained was, when.

The city was under constant curfew for fifteen to twenty day. There was no way to even inform the relatives, we had no phone. The children still played in the yard, men played cards all day while women were busy serving them tea and snacks. On the surface everything seemed normal, we kept up with the appearances, trying hard not to alarm the neighbours. If anyone had a score to settle, we did not want them to know now was the time.

The only risk taken in the calculations done in that room was that we were going to leave after performing the Shivratri rituals. Elders were prepared to die for that. They prayed to Gods to grant them only this much time. Elders also decreed that younger ones will be the first to leave. Elders will stay on for some more time, they had seen enough seasons, if the situation got better, perhaps we would all be together again in Kashmir in a month or so. There was no curfew from 5 to 8 in the morning. That was our window. A day after Shivratri, on the morning of Salaam, on 23rd February, Gull Touth, the neighbourhood Muslim Tongawalla arrived at our gate just before the sun’s first ray bent over the Zabarwan mountain range to enter the valley. Many a times at odd hours he had ferried pregnant women and sickly children to hospital, often he had ferried crying housewives to their mothers. This day he ferried us to Lal Chowk Ghanta Ghar. I don’t know what he thought was going on. We got into the first video coach bus going out of the city. I was overjoyed as this was my first ride in a video coach. It felt like the vacation fun had already started. Curtains were drawn on the windows, the movie they played that day was Namak Halaa, or was it Naseeb, the memory is divided. My joy was short lived as TV was switched off when we reached Qazi Gund, some women had started crying loudly and a few men were pleading that they all be left alone in silence. In silence we crossed the tunnel named Jawahar, after a Kashmiri Pandit. In the bus were: my mother, my sister, my father, an uncle and I.

On reaching Jammu, father left us the next day to head back for Srinagar. I would see him again only after about two months. Srinagar was under a curfew like never enforced before. Even the bylane and inner walkways were off limits to the public. In Jammu we camped in a rooftop store-room of a relative. There was no way for us to know their well-being. This relative was a former KAS officer, they had a phone. Sometime news would arrive. Terrible news. There had been another killing. A pandit had been shot in his room, another had been shot in the toilet, a man was shot grappling his assailant, a pandit was shot in the street outside his house. A relative, a young man with kids my age had been killed. I remember those days, I prayed to Gods, “Please, let no one in my family die. I promise to worship you for the rest of my life.” I made this promise to all the gods I knew. By the time Jammu summer arrived, all of us were reunited. Storeroom was our new address that whole year. It took me decades to ask my father how he left Kashmir.

“I reached Karan Chowk at about 9 P.M. The Auto-driver refused to take me further. I had to walk thirty minutes to reach home. There were bunkers every few yards, and not a soul in sight. I told myself if a shot rings out anywhere, there will be cross-firing and that will be it. I must have walked that path a thousand times in my life, many a times after a late night movie show but never in life had I experienced that unexplainable fear. Those thirty minutes were the worst. This curfew went on for about two months. Some neighbours did come looking for Sahaba. They assured, ‘We are just making sure no wrong man is targeted.’ A pandit in the neighbourhood was picked to have his throat slit. Some Muslim neighbours pleaded for the man, gave good remarks about his character and the man survived. One day while the milkman was handing over the milk to your uncle over the side wall of the house, the spot where pomegranate tree grew, there was a burst of AK-47 directed at the house. It was the last warning. We were looking for a way to escape. But, there was not enough money in the house. By April, there was let up in curfew hours. On 13th April, I collected two months of salary, Rs. 1900 from the bank. That’s how I remember the date we left. We now had the money but we still needed a transport. There were trunks that we needed to take along, afterall there was going to be a wedding in the family. A few days later your grandfather spotted a truck in the neighbourhood, it was a truck from Punjab delivering cattle to the local slaughterhouse. We struck a deal with the Sikh driver. He agreed to load us in his truck for Rs. 900. I know all this from the expense diary I was maintaining at the time. We left on the morning of 16th April.”

“Your grandmother and I sat in the front.” Aunty Mummy remembers like it happened yesterday. “At Pantha Chowk, a group of Army men stopped the truck. Finding us inside, they found the men at the back sitting on trunks, surrounded by animal filth. An officer asked us not to leave, he promised they will protect us. Tears started rolling down our eyes. We told them they were issuing our death warrant by asking us to stay. That they did not know what it was like to live in this Kashmir. The officer relented and let us pass.”

Father remembers one more thing, “At Qazigund, around nine, we saw a man with briefcase standing by the road, signing vehicles to stop. It was a Pandit man we could tell, probably making his escape to be with his family outside. He escaped along with us. An unknown man. That is how we lived and survived.”

No one in my family died that year but perhaps a part of them got left behind. I remember the day grandfather broke the television in anger. He threw a metal jug at the screen. It happened one evening when the grownups were having some discussion in our rooftop storeroom refuge. I could hear grandfather’s raised voice and the glass breaking, followed by a long winding sound of metal ringing on the floor. The discussion ended. There was no television that day. I wondered what they must have been discussing in the room. I never found out. I guess they were not happy on the roof. It was a silent night. A horrible thought took root in my mind. What if it really was a sad situation? What if it was a permanent state? What if we never return to Kashmir? I hadn’t met any of my cousins during this entire time. Everyone had stopped visiting each other. I wondered if they too were living like this. What would happen to my treasure trove that I had buried in Kashmir before leaving? Before leaving, in a far off corner of the courtyard I had dug a hole in the ground and buried inside it my precious things for safekeeping: a small wooden black horse, a plastic wound up Jeeptoy with a missing roof, half a magnet, some tips of broken pens, some empty casings of sketch color pens, a dead silvery lighter belonging to a dead granduncle, some bright colored glass marbles and a piece of a blade of a hand saw. What would happen to them? There were more…my precious belonging: a hot-wheels car, one EverReady cell, bottle caps, a shard of green colored glass, plastic whistles collected from sauf packets, two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle…that were once part of Taj Mahal. Counting my treasures I went to sleep. Next morning, father made me carry our broken 14-inch television to a repair shop to have its tube replaced. It survived. We survived. The show continued. Veena Didi got married a few months later.


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A few years ago when I met the woman I was going to marry, I asked her where she was in 1990. “Delhi,” she answers. When I ask for more details, all I get is, “we had some relatives there, after a few months in Jammu, we were in Delhi.” I keep prodding for many months. There is more to her story, like many others of my generation, she is embarrassed to say that her family from Baramulla was for the first few months living in a farmer’s farm shed at the outskirts of Jammu, near the airport. What does she remember from that year: “A brick once fell from the roof. We made Taher.”

I tell her about the place where I was born. I tell her, “It was once a beautiful Garden. A place named Bagh-i-Sundar Bala Chattabal.” I ask her to tell me about the Garden in which she was born.

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Family in the home garden. [Right to left] Mother, Father, Uncle. Grandmother, Aunt. Chattabal, Kashmir. 1979.
A few years before my birth.

Premi, 66

Kashmiri translation of Tagore’s Geetanjali. By Sarvanand Kaul Premi (b.1924). [Download, uploaded by eGangotri, from Karan Nagar Ashram, Srinagar]

The 66 year old Gandhian poet from Anantnag was killed along with his son on May 2, 1990 by terrorists whose leaders now claim to be Gandhians.

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Tragedy:
I can’t read it
Premi
there is no wiki page
if you search the net
people, some, they write about him
but the age at the time of death is mentioned
as 80
and most mention the age as 64
a scribble
copy after copy mention “aged 64”
no one visited him ever again
to even recalculate
1990 – 1924 =
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Pushing out left out Common sense

July 19 

In Greater Kashmir, we read the remaining Pandit families of Tral are collectively mourning Wani who, with a broad brush of humanity, we are told, as a kid was quite a joker.

“I did not eat anything that day, I swear of my son. How could we eat? He was like my son,” Devi said at her home in Tral-i-Payeen locality of the town.”
[Report: http://goo.gl/HY0MSm]

Maybe the poor people have not choice but to say that. After all, they accept their “protectors” are their neighbours and not the government supplied police post next to their house. Or maybe, they do really feel bad. Or may be both.
It reminded me of the passage from Rahul Pandita’s “Our Moon has blood Clots” where his mother in Jammu mourns the death of a kid who died a militant in Srinagar. Also, the report has no input from 10000 odd Sikhs that like in Tral (certainly till recently, a 2002 Report from previous elections: http://goo.gl/UG7q0N)

Meanwhile, BBC Hindi reported the strange case of a man named Jagannath, who had left Kashmir in 1990 but returned home in 2007. In recent violence, his house was pelted with stones and his wife received head injuries. The old man is again preparing to go into “self-exile”. May be would not leave. Maybe, like it is often happening these day, someone else would visit the place and we would hear that the entire news is wrong. All is fine with Jagannath. He momentarily lost sense. It was nothing personal. Violence was everywhere. We are all one in our pain. Pain the new binding glue of Kashmiriyat. Maybe, Kashmiriyat was just that. A quick “fix-it” to put together a broken glass.
[Report: http://goo.gl/ImiTc2]

So what is happening to pandits in Kashmir. Answer is simple: like other Kashmiris, they too are chess pieces in a great game. There are people who would not see the writing on the wall, instead, choose to whitewash the entire wall. Often facts are spun in a way they would make the “tehreek” kaleen look all clean, if not to a local buyer, certainly to a global buyer of great Kashmir conflict narrative factory.


Something similar was happening in 1990. One of the strangest report about Pandits to come from 1990 had this to say:


“It seems that common sense is dawning upon some Kashmiri Pandits who had migrated from the strife-torn valley to Jammu and other places early this year.”


These are the opening lines of an unsigned piece titled “Pushed Out?” from respected left journal EPW published in 24 Nov, 1990. Here, I would like to disclose, in November 1990, my family was living in Jammu on rooftop in a single storeroom after leaving Kashmir in March. Much water has flown down Jhelum since then, I have tried to count the waves moving from cities all around India. For past few years, I have been contributing my writings to EPW. So, I have some idea how seriously they take their work. Naturally, it makes me wonder how something like this got pushed there?
The answer is not difficult to understand. Back then too they were fighting the right.
“If one is to go by letters appearing in the local Srinagar Urdu press, the migrate Pundits living in refugee camps in Jammu are realising now that their massive fleeing was perhaps unwarranted, and that they had become pawns in the communal games of the BJP-Shiv Sena, politicians.”

Pandit question was tricky even back then, so it was simply explained away as stupidity of the community, foolish people got taken in by the propaganda of the right. To prove it, a propaganda piece from a Kashmiri paper was used as an alibi. The EPW piece went on to claim:

“They openly acknowledge their mistakes and are expressing their desire of returning to the Valley. An interesting exchange between some among the Pundit refugees on the one hand, and Kashmiri Muslims (including representatives of a militant organisation) on the other, in the columns of the Srinagar daily Alsafa News, indicates the changing mood and also reveals the machinations of the former governor Jagmohan who organised the ‘mass emigration’ of the Kashmiri Pundits in February-March this year. One KL Kaul living in the Nagrota Transit Camp in Jammu wrote a letter in the paper (dated September 18) stating that Jagmohan sent a message to the Pundits of the Valley in the first week of February to migrate to safer places since the government had planned to kill about 1,50,000 Kashmiri Muslims in its bid to overcome the uprising.”

This was the genesis of what would be called the “Jagmohan Plot”. The preposterous theory that all the pandits left because Jagmohan told them to leave so that he can kill 1 lakh-to-1.5 lakh young Kashmiris.

And the fact that EPW published it, lent it the credibility it craved. Credibility that is still shoved into Pandit face. Interestingly, if today you search for the article, it is available at a Panun Kashmir website. At the website, since EPW is not attributed, the article appears as if it was published by Panun Kashmir. In the way internet works these days, even this can be used as a “credible” source, anyone can claim, ”even your own stupid organisation accepts Jagmohan theory…check this link [http://goo.gl/0YqXX5]”. I am sure the threat letters to Pandits published in local Kashmiri papers were never discussed thread bare in the journal. And this fact is now used by right-wingers for their own appropriation of pandit narrative.

Interestingly, the only other “credible” source of this theory is a paper published in Washington, DC, in 1990 by an organisation called Kashmir American Council run by Syed Ghulam Nabi Fai of ISI money fame and a cousin of Geelani of Hurriyat. The paper was simply titled, “Kashmiri Pandits (Hindus) Expose Jagmohan’s Plot” and had letter pieces titled “Runaway Pandits Confess”. I have a copy of that paper. More of that some other time.

I am not suggesting that EPW article was an ISI plot. But, the anonymous person (I suspect Balraj Puri) who wrote it was certainly being a fool, if not a tool. In the ideological battle, both left and right would like to see pandit story in a particular convenient way, mend and bend the plot to please themselves, even if the plots sound childish, even if the sources are dubious. They know a war is on, and it has to be won at all cost, even if it means selling a bit of lies.

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from searchkashmir collection
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hukus bukus telli wann che kus
Wangan batta photkha deag’e
Aazadi mangkha Kaw kaw
kin
Brahman bayas gardan kich kich

~ Lal Dread Andrabi

areas in Kashmir

Abandoned Pandit houses in a village on route to Pahalgam

There are areas in Kashmir where Shias live.
There are areas in Kashmir where Sunnis live.
There are areas in Kashmir where Sikhs live.
There are areas in Kashmir where Armies live.
There are areas in Kashmir where Terrorists live.
Areas marked and divided like compost bin.
Some houses there are even for
Tibetan, Uzbek, Afghan and Iranian refugees.
They all have houses in Kashmir from which we often hear talk of war and peace.
Now, if you ask, “But, where do Pandits live in Kashmir?”
“I have heard three live about a mile from here, two a mile after that, seen them with my own eyes and the remaining – they all live in our heart.”
So lease me your big heart for a minute or two, I need to use the loo.
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That Night in Chattabal

Pattered on paintings
of G. R. Santosh
using
“The Rumor,” (1943) by
German artist A. Paul Weber. 



tse kyoho vaatiyo myaani maranai
What will you gain with my death

~ Habba Khatoon

That morning I woke up to find a dead body in the courtyard. The day was going to be exciting. I called my sisters to have a look. We gathered around the body in a circle, examining it in fear and awe. What were we to do with it? How does this game work? There was a dead Rooster in the house and we had to do something about it. We were going to save it’s soul. It was to receive a proper funeral. One sister proposed a fire ritual. I objected.  The only people in the neighbourhood who had roosters and chickens in the house were Muslims, so our dead Rooster was obviously a Muslim, and deserved a burial. In any case, fire was going to get us in trouble with the elders. Everyone agreed. It made perfect sense. Next we needed to find a place to bury it without getting seen by anyone. Just behind the new room in which I used to sleep, there was a narrow alleyway used for storing wood. It was a perfect hiding place. As I started digging a hole in the ground, my sisters started gathering flowers for the ceremony. Moving the dead body to the grave proved to be a bit tricky. We were afraid of touching it. What if something evil latched onto us?  Fear of bacteria, virus and ghosts froze out hands. Finally, we came up with another trick. We rolled the body onto a torn old shirt of mine and dragged the shirt to the grave. A laughing carnival to the funeral. Then we dumped the body into the hole and sealed it up with soil. The grave wasn’t perfect. I had underestimated the size of the rooster and digging into the ground using bare hands and wooden sticks hadn’t been easy. So, the grave was quite bulgy with the soil barely covering the feathered body, you could still see the blue–brown-orange sheen on its wings. But that’s the best we could do. We were happy. We sprinkled some flowers over the spot and sang, ‘OmJaiJagadeshehare’. We decreed, if we repeated the ritual for seven days, Rooster’s soul was going to be saved from turning into a ghost and roaming forever on earth, haunting innocent people. In the end, Rooster was going to find peace and go straight to heaven. Or, so we thought. In the evening, when I visited the spot. The grave had been dug up and the body missing. Some hungry dog had met it’s lunch in our make believe graveyard. Rooster’s soul remained unsaved. We declared the alley haunted for the ghost of Rooster shall forever loom here.

Way to the alleyway where the rooster was buried.
2008.

During the winter of 1989-90, holed up inside our house at Chattabal in outskirts of Srinagar, that was what I was doing, playing, while Kashmir started its rapid descend into hell.

Many years later, when I narrated the incident to an uncle, he asked me when was this? Was it before 19th January or after?

19th January, has now come to mean something sinister. The definite line in history. I knew what he was thinking, ‘The dead rooster, with its wrung neck (or was it slit?), could have been thrown by someone into the house as a warning for things to come.’ Uncle knew what I was thinking, ‘Or maybe a dog dragged it in!’

‘Why do you have to complicate things? Don’t you remember the time our house was fired at?’

I remember. The city was under curfew. Fetching daily supplies was difficult. Vegetables and milk were passed wall to wall by the local sellers. Neighbours were still helping each other. As usual, that day uncle was fetching milk across the wall when there was a sudden long burst of bullets fired from an automatic rifle. Uncle dropped the milk tumbler and ran inside the house. A little later we all gathered outside and stared at the house looking for bullet marks.

‘You saw the holes in the house. Didn’t you?’

Our old house, how I loved it. It’s deodar wood. It’s smell. One time, I climbed the windows collecting resin that they would ooze in summers. I almost reached the first floor. How I was afraid when I realised I had climbed a little too high. How I jumped and danced on surviving, realizing my legs were stronger than I believed.

There were already too many holes in the wooden windows of the old house. How to tell which ones were made by the bullets and which one by time?

The uncertainty and fear experienced on that night still colours the nature of our memories of Kashmir. Perhaps, forever. The stories from the night have been untwined and simplified even as the future is getting more twisted. Twenty five years is a long time. Progress of humanity, or the decay, should not be counted in centuries anymore. But in quarters. Times change too fast now. Or do they change at all?

1972-1947=25: Partition, thermonuclear bomb, man on moon, computers, bunch of wars and Bangladesh.
2015-1990=25: Kashmir, liberalisation, nuclear tests, internet, war and again Kashmir.

Did people in 1972 talk about 1947 like it all happened yesterday? If they were among those who ‘lost’. I am sure they did. I am sure in their minds they too painted their lost homes. Cursed and mourned their neighbours. I am sure they remembered and told many a old tales. Who remembers?And, on some marked anniversaries, under banner of some banal community welfare committees, the ‘lost’ people asked to be told the old tales again. The tales of their loss. I am sure many a wiser men have been caught in this loop. and wondered, ‘I can see contours of great mathematical equation, the constants, but what does it all mean?’ May be it means nothing.

And yet, again, twenty five years later, I ask: Tell me the story one more time.

Tell me one more time what happened that night in Chattabal. I know in Chanpora, my sister had her mouth gagged by my Massi using Parle-G biscuits so that the she would stop crying and not draw attention while the faithful at mosques called for death and justice. I know in Jawahar Nagar, a girl who is now married to one of my cousins was shut by her parents inside a storeroom under a staircase to keep her safe. I know in Indira Nagar, a girl, now my aunt, was shut in an attic. I know those days were all the same for all of us. I know in Malik Angan Fateh Kadal, the family into which my sister is now married had their house fire bombed. I know. But tell me again what happened that night in Chattabal.

It was Friday and after the Isha Namaz, the local mosque started blaring taped messages over the loudspeaker asking the faithful to rise against the unfaithful, to declare war on the infidels and free themselves forever, free, like gods always wanted them to be. The unfaithful, most of them at home, were watching the Friday night English movie on Doordarshah. Ironically, as if universe has a logic, they were watching ‘Escape From Sobibor’ (1987), a tele-film on a group of Polish Jews escaping from an extermination camp. Heeding the call of faith, ignoring the curfew orders, people started to gather in the streets chanting slogans of God, war and freedom. Hearing all the commotion, my father and uncles went outside to check, but only after locking everyone else inside the house. All our Muslim neighbours were there. The crowd was walking towards the nearby tonga chowk. Walking at the fringe ends of the crowd, my father and uncles reached the spot to witness the hujoom, a sea of men. They saw a bonfire of tyres and around it people screaming their lungs out at the invisible enemy. This went on for sometime. In all this commotion, my father saw a bakhtarband gadi approaching the chowk from a narrow alley. There was an armoured vehicle slowing moving towards the crowd. He got suspicious. He bent down to his knees, put his ears to the road and tried to see past the vehicle. Beyond it, he could see something moving along. A giant centipede with hundred legs marching on. He could now even hear it. There were security men walking behind the vehicle. Father got up and ran to his brothers. There was going to be trouble. They decided to head back home. Walking back, they ran into [    ], a man who lived further down the street from our house. [   ] was livid with anger, his arms in air, chanting along with the crowd, in unison…Azaadi. Eyes blood red. My father and uncles told him what they saw and pleaded with him to head back home. [   ] wouldn’t listen. He said he had five young daughters at home, if anyone was going to harm them, he was ready to kill and ready to die. My father and uncles thought it futile to reason anymore with him. [   ] was a reasonable man but tonight reason had died. As soon as they reached the house and closed the doors behind them,  a volley of shots rang out. Pop like the pop in popcorn, but only louder, loud enough to put the fear of God in you. They could hear people screaming and running. The chanting had stopped. More shots followed. More running and screaming. Some more odd shots. And then a deafening silence. It was all over in a few minutes. The chowk which only moments ago was drowning in hellish chants had now floating in silence. After waiting for sometime, one of my uncles decided to open the main door and take a quick look outside. He couldn’t see a single soul on the road. No people. No security forces. No trace of the armoured vehicle. There were only chappals strewn all over the place. And on the road he saw something else. Something that called out to him. He went back inside the house and told everyone about the strange scene outside. He said he was going outside to check something. His brothers tried to stop him. It was madness. He didn’t listen. He was always a daredevil, the man assigned to ‘fetch first-day-first-show’ tickets at Broadway Cinema. Uncle stepped out ducking his head, as if to make himself invisible. A quick few paces away from house, he bent down to take a closer look. Something was there. Something dark. His curious hands reached out to touch it. The shock of liquid warmth sent his hands into recoil. Frantically, he rubbed his hands in dirt and ran back inside to announce, ‘There is blood on the street. There is blood. But, no bodies.’ Night was spent by them in vigil. This uncle of mine died about fifteen years later in a road accident, just past Qazigund, while returning to Kashmir as a tourist. Maybe, he should have not gone out that night.

Next morning, bodies were found on the roadside, chucked under some wooden logs. [   ] was among the dead. He had taken four or five bullets. Enforcing curfew, Security men had gone lane to lane, like fire brigade, with not a hose but guns, dosing fire. “Shoot at sight”, it was called. [  ] was declared the first ‘martyr’ from the area. An invitation was extended to everyone to attend the funeral. My father and uncles refused to go even though they had a new respect for the dead man, a respect that dead command and living unwillingly offer. Nothing good would have come of it, they all agreed. However, overruling the objections of the younger generation, my grandfather, out of some sense of ‘neighbourly duty’, decided to go. What followed was another tragedy. The religious affair that is funeral, quickly transformed into a political affair. Men of faith were asked to promise a final war, a final solution and a lasting blow. A war to bring lasting peace. Revenge, so that every martyr’s soul finds passage to final home. Let their names be remembered forever. There was a world to be destroyed, a new world to be gained.

My grandfather never spoke in detail about his experience at the funeral of [   ]. On being reminded of it, as if embarrassed, as if he had committed a crime, grandfather would touch his ears and say, ‘Trahi! Trahi! (Save! Save! The things I heard!)’.

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The piece was later republished on EPW, 23 Apr, 2016
and a version on Scroll.in, Apr 30, 2016

Alman Khasun

Alman Khasun: In Kashmir, climbing on top of things, roof, shelves, poles, windows, gates, walls, trees, anything, in a state of frenzy.

Clip: 1. Bollywood frenzy from a song in Mr. Natwarlal (1979) shot in Kashmir. 2. A shot from frenzy that was 1990.

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Third Refuge, 1990-91


As the winter of 1990 set in, we moved to a newer better place. This was the third move. The place was in a mohallah of old Jammu city known as ‘Chogan Salathian’, overlooking the Tawi river from a high ground. The area is just next to Mubarak Mandi palace in Jammu, the power seat of old Dogra kingdom.

A century ago, in this mohalla lived the administrators and relatives of the old Dogra ruling class.

By 1990, some of them had already moved on to other destnations, leaving only their big old houses behind. At this place, we took on rent a diwan hall of an old haveli known as ‘Diwan Ki Haveli’. It cost us nine hundred rupees a month. Given the conditions in which most pandits were living in Jammu at the time, it was the most luxurious place that money could rent. That hall is still the most specious room I have lived in, ever. I felt like a royalty. It still amazes me that more than a decade later when my father moved to Noida, Delhi-NCR, he took a hall on rent, quarter in size with no windows,  that cost him around fourteen hundred.

The room came with no furniture. Previous owner had only left a copy of Gita and a small bronze statue of Krishna.

New Door. The place was locked, no one lives here anymore. So, I couldn’t go in.

Door of the house just opposite the haveli. The old door of the haveli looked something like this. It had those protective metal spikes.

There were at least three other Pandit refugee families already living in the haveli, beside two Dogra families, one of them caretakers of the Haveli. The other families had taken up various rooms of the house. In our case, we created our own room.

We carved three room out of the hall using bedsheets and curtains. In the first room: kitchen and parents. In the second room, the middle one: my parents and sister. Third room, near the door: uncle and guest room. I was free to live in any one of them. I liked the outer room the most in the day. It had a big old window on which you could sit and watch monkeys steal cloths. At night I would sleep in the kitchen, nestled between my grand-parents.

We also had an extra room. Under the stairs that led to the hall from the coutyard, we build a bathroom. Given the number of people living in the haveli, access to bathing space was going to be an problem. So building our own private bathroom was a good option. There was no shortage of water (at least not in winter), haveli had a big water tank, that looked like a white tiled walled swimming pool. Toilet, however was an issue. The entire Haveli, for its about fifty inhabitants, had only one. Of course, the door to it had no bolt. I now realize, it is a deliberate ploy. This way, whoever is inside, is always under threat of being forcefully removed if one does not get out in time after the first few warning knocks on the door.
The window would be the one at absolute top (not clearly visible)

When summer came of 1991 came, it became obvious why my family moved here. My family, due to my grandfather’s state government service, had experience of Jammu thanks to ‘Darbar Mov’. They knew where to stay safe from Jammu’s summer. These old haveli’s, due to their build and design, would stay relatively cooler even as outside temperatures rose dramatically. The windows of the hall were facing only late afternoon sun. You could sleep it off the noon heat. But, I guess only elders worried about the sun, temperature and sweat. I spent most of my time on the roof.

The haveli was proving to be a mysterious playground for me. On the roof top, under a mud mould, I once found a bag of marbles. There must have been five hundred of those multi-coloured glass balls inside it. I didn’t know how to play Kanchey, so I just kept giving them away to random people. I made friends. There was a Dogra boy in that house that used to make torches using match-boxes, pencil- cells and LEDS. Just opposite the hall, on an outer ‘chajja’, balcony, of the haveli, lived a family of ‘Bhats’ comprising an middle aged couple, a granny, an adult son and two young daughters. The son, jobless and with nothing to do, would often join me on the high roof in the evenings to watch the setting sun. From the roof you could see the entire old city covered in gentle red glow. He could play flute beautifully. He was a cross between Anil Kapoor and  Jackie Shroff for his hair style and moustache. But he would never play that 80s tune.

I remember watching Aashiqui on a VCP in the haveli. The system had been brought on rent for viewing Bua’s marraige cassette. The last time we had borrowed VCP, I had watched Rakhwala. It was summer of 1989.  In 1991, Aashiqui with its songs was the rage in town. There was even a brand of Gutkha named after it. It still exist. The general rule back then, and still applicable, was: stay away from people who carry Aashiqui. It was flavor of anti-socials.

I had my first taste of racism here at this place. On the day we moved to the hall, me and my sister noticed a small park near by. We never had parks in Srinagar near our house. We played in house and not in public parks. Park was a novelty. In Srinagar only the newer colonies like Chanpora had them. We wanted to explore the park. However, I remember getting chased away from the park by kids. Moments ago they had been teasing monkeys. And now they were on to us. As we enter the park, they told us we did not belong to the place. That we were outsiders. Kashmiris. They wouldn’t let us enter. Their language was new to my ears. In that moment, it was the language of primal violence. We ran.

A few months later, I celebrated my first Holi at the same park. There was no Holi in Kashmir, atleast never like the one in Jammu. When I first heard what people in Jammu did on Holi, I thought of hiding away. There was no escape. On the day, a toli reached our place. Uncle had his kurta torn away. He was blue. I was red. Everyone was drenched in water, some mud. There was much dancing on the street. I think some of the men were drunk. A few years later, I was among the Holi toli people.

The monkey park

Way round the house.

The place nearby where a relative lived. The room on the roof is gone and the house
is crumbling

Nothing bad really happened that year. Only Badi Bau arrived one day with her head bandaged. A monkey had dropped a brick over her head. It was funny then and still is. She was crossing a particular spot in the lane the led to the haveli. There was a rundown house at the spot where monkeys could often be seen conferring. That’s where it happened. One of them just dropped a brick on her as she was passing. After that brick incident, it became a habit with me to never cross that spot without looking up, always expecting a monkey holding a brick in its hands.

House of monkeys
The only other significant event that occurred during over stay at this place, also involved an animal. Grandfather game home one day with a swollen hand. Billoo Bhel, Billoo The Great Bull, had swung his tail at him. Tail had barely brushed past grandfather’s hand but given him a swelling. Billoo Bhel was a legend of old city. The size of Billoo Bhel was just as huge in real life as it was in tales about him. And as nasty was his temper. If Billoo Bhel took a nap in the middle of the road, the road would get blocked, but no one could dare to get it to move. No one would even honk the horns on their cars. They would just for him to move. Every one knew what Billoo was capable of when angry. There shops in the area that have broken furniture laying about, a victim of Billoo’s blind rage. It is said once an army vehicle tried to get Billoo to move. National business could not be stopped on account of a sleeping stupid bull. Billoo didn’t care. He just rammed their vehicle off the road. Billoo Bhel ruled the area like a king. Everyone knew him, everyone was afraid of him, everyone cursed him, but everyone knew a tale of two about him and liked to talk about him. To honor him I stopped wearing red as he was always said to be offended by that color. But that didn’t stop him from chasing my cousins once even though they were not in red. Billoo Bhel was a freak. It is said he was poisoned (or shot dead) a few years later. 

Billoo Bhel’s spot

Galli Wazir Sobha Ram, wazir under Pratap Singh.

The ‘shortcut’ lane that lead to my first school in Jammu. It was a walking distance from the Haveli.

I saw things in Jammu that I would not have seen in Kashmir
Thing that never seize to amaze me

Luthra Academy

When the migrant children arrived in Jammu, there weren’t enough schools for all of them. Slowly, after a few months, space was created. Almost every school had ‘Migrant sections’ for each standard. Classed would be carried in open or on the rooftops. Me and my sister were admitted to Luthra Academy. I had to go through 3rd standard all over again as I couldn’t finish the standard in Srinagar. So, here I was in Jammu, finishing 3rd standard on the roof top of a school in Jammu. I was glad I wouldn’t have to see Biscoe’s swimming pool again. The place I was sure I was going to die.

The day we left that hall for another refuge, while packing things up, I accidentally knocked the Krishna statue over from a shelf. It’s base fell off. Inside the hollow of the statue, I found a dozen old lithographs depicting various scenes from Hindu mythology done in what I now recognise as basohli art. I can’t say how old those lithographs were. I packed them back inside the statue and left them as they were. Sometimes, I still wonder if I should have stolen them. I wonder if it is still there.

A town fascinated with ‘Kala Bhoot’

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Cost of Migration

Found while my father was doing his post-retirement file purge – the ritual in which retiree gets rid of all the useless papers accumulated over years of work, bits that at one time must have held some meaning. Among the papers, I found this old pocket phonebook from year 1990. He was going to throw this away. It’s the diary in which he maintained the expenses of moving out of Kashmir.

Truck: 800, the truck in which material possession of three families were hurriedly loaded.
Auto (Driver: 20), for the morning drive from house to the bus stand.
Lunch: 50, had at the bus’s stopover after crossing Kashmir.
Mother: 100, left with his mother who was going to stay in Kashmir.
Satish: 100, for uncle who years later died in an road accident while making his ‘back to Kashmir’ trip.
Muni: 500, for my mother. Father was going to go back for his parents.

In total, the expense was just a little over a month’s salary of my father. And his bank balance stood just has about four times of that.

On the next page is the birth dates of me and my sister.

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Radhakrishan’s Trial

This window of a memory is held by four hinges.

Hinge 1: Victim

In accordance with the law of those time, the death sentence was announced to Radhakrishan in a whisper. Somewhere between January and February 1990, one morning, Radhakrishan was picked up from his home and taken to the ghat, the river bank, for a quick trial. It wasn’t long before the entire neighbourhood heard about it. Maybe it was the wails of his wife and children. Foreboding a judgement, people shut themselves in.

Hinge 2: Judge, Jury and Executioner

The men who knocked on Radhakrishan’s home and dragged him to the river bank remain unknown, unidentified.

Hinge 3: Litigator

Mohd. Yusuf had bought a state of the art VCR from his trip to Dubai. Around this he built a small business. He started a Video and TV rental service. Given the love of Kashmiris for moving images, it wasn’t long before his venture became a success. Soon he started a TV repair counter too. A technician came all the way from Punjab to work the counter in summers. The video shop of Mohd. Yusuf was right next to our house. The cassette for the first ever English movie I ever saw came from his shop. The film was a ‘B-grade Sci-Fi Action-Opera meets Cowboys-on-bikes’ flick called Megaforce. The only reason this film probably reached that corner of the world was because it starred Persis Khambatta. But what stuck with me was the starkness of its deserts and the crassness of the people who inhabited it. I liked it. From this shop came the cassettes for Dracula, the 1977 TV series version produced by BBC keeping the original written work in mind. It’s ending gave me my first nightmare. Guns and horses.

Hinge 4: Witness

All trivial details in which the true meaning is lost. All junk and pulp. These useless but strong hinges that support meaningless memories. Until a few years ago, that’s all I knew about Mohd. Yusuf – the video seller. And I hadn’t even heard about Radhakrishan’s trial. I heard the story over a phone, thousands of miles away from the scene of crime.

Towards the end of 2012,  one afternoon, my niece came home with a school friend of hers. A girl just her age. Both of them were born in 1996 in Jammu, safe and far removed from the event of 1990. My grandmother got talking to the girl. The usual questions. She asked the girl about her family. Where she lived? The girls lived nearby. Where was her family based in Kashmir, originally? Chattabal. From the further answers she got, my grandmother realized that this girl was grand-daughter of her friend Nirmala who used to live near our place in Kashmir.

In 1990 Nirmala’s husband Radhakrishan was picked up by those unknown men. He was taken to the ghat near Bharav Temple. His throat slit. It was Mohd. Yusuf who ran to the ghat, reaching it just in time. Radhakrishan was still alive. They were playing with him. Mohd. Yusuf pleaded with those blighted men. He vouched for the innocence of the man who lay on ground slithering in pain. Radhakrishan was saved that day by Mohd. Yusuf. A judgement averted.

Unhinged:

In a farce trial, a simple mind only asks,  ‘But what was the crime?’ There’s a jury and executioners, a litigator and a witness, an accused, an innocent and a hero. Surely, there must be a crime. The structure and constructs only allows us questions.

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